Friday, August 26, 2011

It Came From Netflix:Pieces(1982)-Part II

By Eric Polk-
Previously on Eric's last post....[So here I am, upstairs in my ready room about to spew forth my take on a movie that seems to have cranked the dials of the hardcore horror nation to eleven for years...except for DBH's own Brandon Sites.....the byline on the movie poster says It's Exactly What You Think It Is....So with a movie named Pieces, Am I gonna to get a story about a group of orphaned children on a wacky road trip in search of a family? It's directed by .....OH HELL...Juan Piquer Simon....the same person who directed a film famously skewered in the early days of MST3K knows as Pod People...]

[Wait. investigating this case is...CHRISTOPHER GEORGE....Alright, maybe he can make sense out of what is starting off as a nonsensical film...then again, the dubbed voices, the non-linear scenes... killer wearing black gloves...Pieces has the wonderful aroma of an Italian giallo, even though it was shot in Spain. Ok wait a anatomy lesson on the pectoral?....TENNIS...who plays tennis in a horror film?...WTF?...TENNIS!!!!! I'm forty minutes into this and only two people have died...the second rather lamely....It is what exactly what you think it is, my ass!!!!! Ok, I'm gonna finish this review tomorrow, Reaplings. This movie has gotten on my nerves.]

And now the conclusion... that I've cleansed one set of nautical nonsense for another, let's get back to this review.

Tormented by childhood memories, the killer tries to create his own jigsaw puzzle made from real human body parts. Along with Police Lieutenant Bracken  and college student Kendall(IT STINKS!!!), Mary Riggs  poses as a tennis instructor in order to try and uncover the identity of the maniac.Along the way we are witnessed to...what??? Bruceplotation?????

                                               Angels and Ministers of Grace defend us

Anyhoo,many girls fall victim to the psychotic killer: the first girl is decapitated with a chainsaw while sunbathing(YAWN!!!!) The second girl is drowned and then pulled out of the water only to be killed with the killer's chainsaw(Umm...ok), the third girl has her arms sawed off by the killer while in an elevator and she bleeds to death(Oh no, a weirdo in black carrying a chainsaw isn't scary at all).

It is exactly what I think it is? Did you assume that I thought this would be one foreign made horror film that would make me want to blow up my dvd player in disgust? Is that what you think?...OMG!!! WAIT A MOMENT!!!

The fourth girl is stabbed to death on a water bed(what a beautiful death scene...the best one I've watched since the first killing in Suspiria)...Then the last girl to be killed becomes trapped in the girls locker room and is sawed in half leaving behind her upper body.(Oh yes!!! Now that is THE MIZ and its AWESOMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)

                                           REDEMPTION REAPLINGS REDEMPTION!!!!

So, no, Pieces isn't exactly what you think it is, at least for the first forty minutes but then soon as the Bruce Lee clone performs some classic chop-socky, it becomes one the best horror films of not only the 80s, but of all time! Remakes and current horror makers take note....

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