Friday, January 16, 2015

DBH Redbox Theatre:Tusk(2014)

A joint review by Rhonny Reaper and Eric Polk-
Sup Reaps! Eric here, and boy, oh boy, do we have a movie to review today. Kevin Smith's Tusk has been generating all kinds of buzz within the horror community so it was our turn to check this mutha out.

Podcasters Wallace Bryton(Justin Long) and Teddy Craft(Haley Joel Osment...yes, that Haley Joel Osment) host The Not-See Party(say it again...slowly) in which they riff on viral videos. Wallace flies to land of Ol' Canada to interview a 'Net celeb famous for severing his leg. Unfortunately, the boy commits suicide, leaving Wallace to find another person to interview. Enter Howard Howe:retired seaman. For free room and board, Wallace listens to the sane, well-rounded individual discuss his days on the open sea, and how he was rescued by a walrus.

From there, Wallace is drugged and that's when the real bitch of the movie begins. Where to begin? How about the fact that this movie is as cohesive as a soup sandwich. Flashbacks which bog this movie into an unnecessary morass. The chilling moments between Howard and Wallace. The big reveal that made me either want to say brilliant or bullshit. Then we come to Johnny Depp. I haven't laughed that hard at a character since I watched Milton Waddams in Office Space for the first time.

Is there such a thing as a walrus fetish? What was with the scene in the pool between Wallace E. Walrus and Dr. Clayton Forrester's psychotic cousin? To say this movie is all over the place is saying the sun sets in the west. Overall, I liked it because it's a glorious mishmash that follows its own logic. Something some horror movies try to do and fail.

For on this movie, I'm going to turn the microphone over to our lord and mistress, Ms. Rhonny Reaper.

Ok folks, It's Rhonny here and...the biggest thing I can say for Tusk is...I loved it, but I wanna know what the fuck did I just watch!!!

I've seen a LOT of weird shit...but Tusk is the biggest WTF movie I've seen in a long ass time. It was hilarious, it was disturbing, it was so out there that it was brilliant...and I have trouble coming up with the words to describe how I feel. I love Justin Long. He did an amazing job and while I was laughing at the stupidity and absurdity of the plot, I still felt horrible for this guy. How often does a fucking loon wanna turn your ass into a WALRUS!?!?! Not often. The actual "walrus" creature was...hideous. I mean but fucking ugly. And Howard, the crazy loon with the wild idea to bring back his "savior" Mr. Tusk? Fucking OUT THERE man! I mean he was just...he tried to blame drugging the guy on a brown recluse! He cut off his legs, sewed his arms to his body and put him in a suit made of human flesh, he swam with him naked and either tried to drown him or force him to...well...suck it! Still not sure on that one though, it was a bit of an odd scene and I'd have to see it again, but either way, still fucked up. And the ending was sad...I actually felt horribly sad. Such a funny fucked up movie, and yet I still got sad to see the end.

Now Eric mentioned Johnny Depp's character...and yeah, it was even more bizarre than the rest of the fucking movie! Like really, it wasn't necessary for him to be as fucking out there or funny as he was, but I'm SOOOO glad he was! I couldn't even breathe when he came on screen. The accent, the way he described have to see it to believe it!

Plain and simple, it's a movie you will either hate or love, but you WILL be saying WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATCH at the end. See it. Even if you hate it, see it.

One final note...I have a HUGE crush on Justin you understand how hard it is to see him now as hot after seeing him as a fucking walrusoid creature!?!?!?! I CAN'T EVEN!!!

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