Friday, May 27, 2011

Dollar Bin Horror Spotlight:From Eric's Vault-Friday the 13th(2009)

By Eric Polk-
I give the Friday the 13th remake 3 R's:Rotten, Ridiculous, Revolting. Any horror fan with some sensibility hates this film. They took a classic franchise and threw a jar of Ragu all over Jason Voorhees' blood-stained legacy. ARRRGH!!!

                                           [Reprinted from Eric's Myspace page, Sept. 3rd, 2009]

As far as remakes of horror movie classics go, this one falls flat, real flat. The movie starts out with a reboot of the final scene from the original scene in which the last girl slices the oh so perky Mrs. Voorhees(played by Star Trek:DS9 alum Nana Visitor). Of course, Jason witnesses the murder and hears the voice to get back at those who wrong him and her.

From there, we are treated to a mini-review in which 5 kids go on the hunt for sex, drugs, and sadly in one case, a bad rendition of Sister Christian. One by one, the kids get whacked save for one who gets kidnapped.

Six weeks later, the girl's brother goes on hunt as more useless kids head up to a cabin at Camp Crystal Lake and we are treated to more sex and more drugs, thankfully no one else sings. Once again, the kids get whacked one by one along with someone who should have done more research on a proper redneck accent. Eventually, the brother saves the sister and she proceeds to dispose of Jason in a proper horror movie matter.

Ok, first, I hate every frickin' character save for Jared Palecki's role. I was so glad when they got killed. Unlike the classic original, these kids were so damn annoying,I prayed for a Jason kill.

There is a rather decent scene in which Jason has a flashback to his mother's beheading but sadly the psychological component ends almost as fast as it begins. In the realm of horror reboots, Rob Zombie's take of Halloween is still the best one of the bunch. While Friday The 13th is far from bad, it could have been so much better. BTW, the ending is thankless, very thankless.   


Big Daddy aka Brandon Sites said...

I can think of better remakes/reboots that were better then Halloween that came out in the past ten years:

The Toolbox Murders
Nature's Grave (aka Long Weekend)
Dawn of the Dead
Let Me In
The Hills Have Eyes
2001 Maniacs

Most of these aren't better then the original, but they are certainly better then the Halloween remake.

JP "Strange and Shocking Turn Of Events" Wendel said...

You neglected to mention the underground lair.