Tuesday, February 1, 2011

It Came From Netflix: Don't Go Near The Park (1981)

By Eric Polk of The Audio Descent podcast-
Trudging along through these Don't-titled horror films(After watching these things, I need a session with Dr.Phil), I come upon the 1981 low-budget bonanza known as Don't Go Near The Park and to be honest, I'd rather had been tortured by the dentist in Marathon Man then watch this POS! Ok, the first half isn't too terrible, but the 2nd half....Oy Vey!

A brother and sister couple prey on young people, killing and eating them in order to stay young. They try to lift a curse on them by finding a virgin's soul they can sacrifice, with the brother fathering a daughter for that purpose. Of course, the daughter once she's sixteen sets out on her and after surviving a gang rape, retreats to an abandoned western movie set...ERRRR..the park. While there, she meets a plucky young man, her disfigured aunt, and a boy who she makes out with 2 minutes after they met(and I thought I was an operator)

Eventually, the time comes for the brother and sister to revert to their permanent selves and that's when the movie gets REALLY bad!

So, what can I tell yins? The gore is good(despite the fact they're ripping latex, the makeup budget must have been minuscule), we see 80's scream queen Linnea Quigley in her debut, and two words:CRACKERS FINN!!!!

The acting...What acting? Poor continuity...ARRGH! And to think I've got two maybe three more Don't-titled horror films to go.

3/10..Bonus points for a naked Linnea Quigley!

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