Friday, November 5, 2010
It Came From Netflix: Mountaintop Motel Massacre
(Now here comes the part where I have to review this thing and I feel like a proctologist who is about to inform their patient that the hemorrhoid on their ass is inoperable.)
In the horror sub-genre of 'weird lodgings off the beaten path', you have of course the legendary Psycho, the B-movie greatness of Motel Hell, and the fairly recent Vacancy. And then we have this 1983-filmed, 1986-released (tries to hold back the vomit)Mountaintop Motel Massacre.
As a lover of the horror film, I have seen my share of crap over the years. This year I have viewed more than enough visual stink bombs to last me a lifetime. But this film? This film ranks up there in terms of quality of a Black Friday t.v. from Wal-Mart(and I don't mean that as a compliment).
The plot? After several years in an insane asylum, Evelyn, the keeper of the Mountaintop Motel, is released and resumes doing business. She kills her young charge out of anger, but convinces the police it was an accident - and pushed into insanity, she then proceeds to target her guests, first by releasing vermin into their rooms, but then by using her trusty sickle.
Ok, nothing wrong with an homage to Psycho unless you have acting five calibers below that of community theatre. Suspense? I'm all for a suspenseful flick but when you have a grand total of one person dead in the first hour, you'd better show me something more than a pair of chicks out in the rain wearing wet, white t-shirts(not that I don't mind that, not at all) or poorly written puns("They outta call this the Roach Motel). Blood? Average(the film's only redeeming quality).
This movie is the Grand Canyon away from being 'so-bad-its good'. No Reaplings, this move is just plain BAD! I almost want to knock Crazy Fat Ethel II off the top of my 'worst movie ever' list, but then again, Mountaintop did have a pair of chicks standing out in the rain in their wet t-shirts.