Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A Zombie's Anatomy: What You Need to know to Survive

Today for my First Zombie Awareness Month post, I wanna go over the basics of the zombie's inner working so you know what to expect when facing one of theses man eating creatures face to face.

1.) Muscular System: A zombie is a person who has died and been reanimated, therefore there muscles will not get stronger, hence there are no fast zombies in real life, just the movies. They are decaying just like the rest of him, so you can use speed to your advantage.

2.) Respiratory System: Again a zombie is dead, so it does not need to stop for a breather when the horde is moving in on you. He can go on forever with his mission to get your brains as long as he hasn't decayed to much so when on the move, pace yourself. It would really blow if the reason you got ate was because you were out of breath!

3.) Digestive System: The dead cannot digest food, but because of the zombie virus, the hunger pains never stop. A zombie will eat until his stomach bursts open...and if enough of his body hasn't been destroyed by that, he'll keep eating till you kill it. They don't need nutrition, so you'll be eaten whether you love salads or twinkies.

4.)Skeletal System: The bones of a zombie really don't get weak because of death. It takes thousands of years for a mummy's bones to turn to dust, so don't expect a broken bone to affect a zombie's course straight to your tasty brain.

5.) Nervous System: This is the most important system of them all. The virus that turns the dead into flesh eating monsters rely on the brain. It infects it and brings it back to life, even though the rest of the body is dead. It has only the most basic of functions and craves food constantly. Since it is the only part of a zombie that is actually working, this is where you must get it. Shoot them in the head, decapitate them, just whatever you do, destroy the brain!

These are the basics of what you'll need to know when the shit hits the fan. Learn it. Study it. And learn how to aim toward the head!

1 comment:

iZombie said...

my zombie laughs... when the poop hits the fan... he says, too