Friday, April 30, 2010

Remakes and the Decline of my Mental State: A Rhonny Reaper Rant


Today, by seven different people, I was asked if I was going to see the new Nightmare on Elm Street Film. Yes I will see but not in theaters. I will gladly wait for my friend to get a bootlegged copy and let me borrow it, as I did with the god awful remake of Friday the 13th and H2, because of one simple reason: I'm fucking sick and tired of the remakes. The only reason I want to see the new Freddy film is because I can't sit here and totally hate on a film that I haven't actually seen (although the commercials and trailers didn't give me much hope). But I just can't bring myself to actually waste eight dollars on a movie ticket to see a classic desecrated for a profit.
Remakes could be great, if the film being remade could actually benefit from a revisualization. Take the Crazies or Last House on the Left. The originals weren't the best of films and I liked how the new film makers breathed a new life into these films. These film benefited from the remake because they could use improvement. But films like Halloween, Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm Street, and the upcoming remake of (I swear if it really happens I will fucking rip my hair out) Bride of Frankenstein DON'T NEED REVAMPED! These films are are classics because they were so unique during the time they were made, they revitalized the genre for a new generation, and for fucks sake The Bride is THE horror standard! How the hell could one of the greatest films ever made need revamped!?!
No, I will not put another dime into one of these fucking remakes. I want to see some originality! I want to see a new film that does the same for our generation as those films did for the past generations! I want to see writers take it up a notch and come up with your own damn stories and stop fucking up everyone else's! Whether you like the series or not, the writers of the SAW films can put out a new film every fucking year. Are you telling me that all the other writers in Hollywood don't have any imaginations at all and have to "revamp" someone else's hard work? And the writers that do come up with fresh stories don't even get the same amount of press as the remakes! How many commercials for the Human Centipede or other new films have you seen on tv? Or how many indie film makers actually get a break for coming up with original plots? Not very fucking many. It's literally driving my mad!
Forget going to the theater to see another bad remake of a great film, I'm going to kick back on my couch and watch the original tonight, and I'm gonna have more fun here in my little shitty house with no popcorn, nachos, or air conditioning than most of the people in the big fancy theater. Why? Because I'll actually be enjoying the film I'm watching.

Sending Deadly Kisses,
Rhonny Reaper

6 comments:

Cheesemeister said...

I often find myself rolling my eyes and sighing "there is nothing new under the sun." I say it more and more the older I get.

Scream Queen said...

Ugh, EVERYONE has been asking me if I'm going to see this goddamn movie. No. It's stupid. There's no reason to remake a classic like this. I end up watching/reviewing so much old horror nowadays because NOTHING that's not a remake is coming out. Or it just skips the theaters and goes straight to DVD.

I, too, agree that there CAN be good remakes (Hills Have Eyes and Texas Chainsaw come to mind) but seriously, come up with some original ideas.

I'm a lone dissenter on LHOTH. I would have liked it if it was named something different. I just kept comparing it to the original (which I like) and I just got frustrated/annoyed watching it.

/end rant. Time for happy hour ;o)

iZombie said...

remake or a retelling, that is my biggest problem/fear. star trek, texas chainsaw massacre... great. friday the 13th, day the earth stood still, aweful...

elm street...poo without seeing it.

i am goin' to cry now...

Jinx said...

Reading that was so cathartic. I know exactly where you're coming from, Rhonny. Bloody good work!

Mistress Rae said...

Can I get an evil AMEN on this?!?!? I'm sooo right there with you. Damn these remakes to hell, I'm TIRED of them!! As far as I'm concerned the ONLY Freddy will be Robert Englund!!!!!

Wonder Man said...

I so agree with you. The new Nightmare wasn't worth it, Nancy sucked and there was nothing interesting about it.