Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The 5 Worst Jobs to have in Horror

Inspired by my search for a job (which I'm still waiting for a call :( ) I've compiled the top 5 jobs which are sure to get you hacked into a million little pieces if you were ever to be trapped in a horror film situation.

One minute, your doing your service to the world by teaching the youth what they'll need to know for the "real world". The next, your being killed by a psychopathic child, taken host by an alien life form, or worse....your killed off screen! I say, fuck those little brats and get as far away from the school as possible.

You dedicate your life to the Lord and try to save the souls of others, only to be overtaken by Satan and get bright green puke all up in ya grill...Let me tell you, it's gonna take a shit ton more holy water to survive this situation!

Cop/Security Guard
Your job called for you to serve and protect, but in the opening scene, while looking around in the dark with your flashlight handy....BAM your dead. You don't even get a wicked cool death in most cases. I say give back the badge, keep the gun, and drive far far away!

Camp Counselor
Sure, you may be getting lucky tonight with that hot piece of counselor ass you've been eying, but we all know that in horror, Camp Counselor + Sex = Death. You cannot have S without D so if you must work this summer, keep it in your pants jackass!

Watching other people's little ones for a few hours can be a great way to earn a few extra bucks, unless your in a horror situation, then some creepy ass mofo will keep calling, stalking, and harassing you until eventually he gets in, or your pathetic ass lets him in, the house and he stabs you like theres no tomorrow (and there ain't for you). Let there parents watch those Bebe's kids and get the hell out!


forestofthedead said...

Haha, great post!

Paperback Horror said...

Love this. You've pretty much nailed 'em all.

paulgambrill said...

Awesome... So true and some great movie choices too!

ZedWord said...

Shit. I'm a teacher and, apparently, just waiting for a grisly doom to befall me.

You also forgot Psychiatrist / Therapist. They always turn out to be jerks and die for it.

Sceptical paranomral investigators also don't tend to fair well in the horror genre, but that's a really niche career path.

Spooky Sean said...

Here's a toughie, janitors, victims or killers?