Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Dollar Bin Horror Op-Ed:Not Again...

By Eric Polk-
Just when we thought the remake monster had been slayed, buried, and consecrated in holy water, the hardcore horror fans find out.....that the much-beloved Suspiria is being remade... . And the masses wept...

Well, I guess the ones that love this film wept. Suspiria seems to be a movie that you either embrace and buy the t-shirt(me) or think it's an ok movie that drags in the middle. For people that fall into the former category, naturally we are raging. How in gawd's name is director David Gordon Green going to take this beautiful,poetic, surrealistic film and improve upon it?

Since he lensed Pineapple Express, it's the opinion of this blogger that he will turn the swan into an incoherent ugly duckling. Deconstructed will be the technical beauty in place of a bunch of CGI nonsense, the melodramatic over acting turning into stiff, unimpressive wording and then there is the Goblin soundtrack. I've heard rumors that the original song will stay intact but I have a feeling that if the target demographic is 16-24, it will be remade. Probably into electronic drivel.

I'm not saying all classic movies shouldn't be remade but as we have seen in the past five years or so, the results mostly fall flat. I really do not want to shell out my hard-earned money to view this when it's released. I just can't bear to see if and how they disgraced yet another piece of cinematic horror heaven.

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