Friday, October 22, 2010

(Not So) Splurge of the Week: My Soul to Take

By Eric Polk
Before I begin my review, I would like to congratulate DBH's Lord and Master, Ms. Rhonda Kachur on one year of what is, in my biased opinion, the greatest horror website on the net today. I am so proud of her and I'm glad to be lending a hand to this kick-ass site!

My Soul to Take-
This movie should be retitled Your Money to Take. It is a crying shame that someone equipped with some of the greatest horror movie talents, director Wes Craven, could create dreck such as this. Your story is as follows, in Riverton, Massachusetts, where Sarah Plankov, who is nine months pregnant with a baby boy, is watching the news that the Riverton Ripper's death toll now been added up to seven as security footage at a parking garage shows the killer stabbing a teenage girl, and, for the first time, the police have identified the weapon: a pocket knife with the word "vengeance" marked on the blade. Meanwhile, her husband, Abel Plankov (Raul Esparza), is finishing up a little rocking horse for his newborn child. As he's going back up stairs, he trips, and finds the ripper's knife underneath the stairs. While Sarah goes to sleep, Abel calls Dr. Blake (Harris Yulin), his psychologist, (where it's revealed that Abel has a dissociative identity disorder. He does not remember killing anyone of the seven kids dead, and he has kept his "D.I.D." a secret from his wife and his 3-year old daughter, Leah.) He tells Dr. Blake that he is losing it again, his family does not know about his DID, and he needs his help. Immediately afterward, Dr. Blake calls the police.

As Abel goes back to check on his wife, he realizes he has stabbed his wife without knowing. Leah wakes up to hear the police, and Dr. Blake barging into the house and finds her dad stabbing himself to death trying to commit suicide, but when he sees her, he attacks her but is shot by Officer Patterson (Frank Grillo). While checking to see if he's still alive, Abel grabs Patterson's gun and shoots Dr. Blake in the head with it. Before he seemingly dies, Abel says he'll come back. While en route to the hospital, Officer Patterson and paramedic Jeanne-Baptiste (Danai Gurira) discuss what Abel meant. Jeanne claims that his alternate personalities are like souls; souls live on. Just as she says that, Abel rises up from the gurney and slashes Jeanne's throat with a knife he hid with him. The commotion causes the ambulance vehicle to flip over and crash into the woods. Everyone in the vehicle survive, including Jeane, and manage to get out before the vehicle explodes. Patterson goes to see if Abel got away, but finds nothing but an incinerated gurney with an awful amount of blood on it.

16 years later the students of riverton high and the riverton seven, who are Brandon (Nick Lashaway), Brittany (Paulina Olysnski), Alex (John Magaro), Penelope (Zena Grey), Bug (Max Thieriot), Jerome (Denzel Whitaker), who is blind, and Jay (Jeremy Chu), are having a special ritual in the woods to keep the ripper away. It is Adam 'Bug' Hellerman's turn to perform the ritual. However, he fails to vanquish the replica of the ripper as the police arrive led by the now-promoted Detective Patterson. Everyone runs and leaves their separate ways. Meanwhile, one of the seven, Jay Chan, walks across a bridge only to be stabbed in the stomach by the ripper and thrown into the river. The next day at school, Penelope's throat is slashed and stabbed by the Ripper, while praying with the principal's pregnant daughter. Fang (Emily Meade), a gothic beauty queen and head of the school, goes to the bathroom to talk to Brittany and tells Brittany to lay off from Bug, who, she likes. Bug and Alex plant Bug's new phone in the girls' bathroom and hears everything. When Bug goes to retrieve the cell phone, he accidentally drops it in Brittany's purse while trying to get out of the bathroom. Brittany walks home from school and is appalled by Brandon,who wants to have sex with her. Brittany refuses and runs away in the woods,and stumbles on Penelope's dead body. Running away, Brandon is killed by the Ripper with multiple stabs in the stomach. Brittany, thinking that Brandon killed Penelope, runs away and hides in the underbrush where the Ripper finds her and kills her by gutting her in the stomach. The Ripper takes Penelope, Brandon, and Brittany and disposes them into the river.

The police find the bodies and Detective Patterson finds Bug's phone in Brittany's purse, suspecting him to be the Riverton killer. Alex, at home hears about Brandon, Brittany, Jay, and Penelope's deaths. It is revealed to the audience that Fang is actually the little girl Leah and is Bug's older sister. Fang tells Bug about his father and tells him to stay away from her. Fang goes to her room and Bug in his, where he finds Alex, who climbed through the window. Alex has a breakdown because he just "accidentally" killed his abusive father by pushing him down the stairs in self-defense. Bug goes downstairs to get Alex some water, when he is captured by Detective Patterson, who tells Bug that they found his phone in Brittany's purse and that he's under arrest, plus for the murder of his "adoptive" stepmom and former head nurse May (Jessica Hecht), who is lying dead on the dining room floor. Suddenly, the Ripper, appears and kills Paterson and attacks Bug. Bug hits the ripper on the head with a vase and Fang pulls Bug in the pantry. The Ripper finds them and a loud noise is heard upstairs. The Ripper runs upstairs into Bug's room. Bug follows him and finds his window open and a bloody hand print on the closet door. Bug opens the door to discover Jerome dying with a stab wound in the stomach. Jerome was the one who made the loud noise trying to climb through the window

So many things that did not impress me about this film from the cheesy killer(C'mon the murder from Doom Asylum had better dialogue) the prolonged set-up scenes and don't even get me started on the poor 3-D scenes. It's pretty evident that this film was not meant for such a gimmick. Hard to believe that this movie comes from the man who gave us original Last House on the Left,original A Nighttmare on Elm Street, original The Hills Have Eyes, and Shocker.


Ryan Clarke said...

Oh Eric your awesome!!!! Keep it up bro!! DBH Holla!!

Spooky Sean said...

I wish someone would make a good horror movie set in Massachusetts. All I can come up with is Session 9.